Having a Mentor is not a right. It is a privilege

A number of years ago, I was working for a large retail organisation, when after a meeting, I was asked by my boss to “come with me”.

“Do I need anything?”, I asked.

“No. Just yourself”, he replied.

So I shuffled / semi-ran along behind him. Shuffle I say because he was 6 foot 3” and had legs that were very nearly 6 feet long, and I at 5 foot 6” wearing heels, always struggled to keep up. But, I digress.

I had no idea where we were going or why. He was certainly giving nothing away. I was taken to a meeting room in the bowels of the very large building in which we worked. A room that I didn’t even know existed.

The room was dark. The blinds were down. I followed him in and we sat down opposite each other at a very large conference table. He said nothing. So we just sat. To break the silence I said “Should I raise the blinds to let some light in?”. To which he replied, “That won’t be necessary”.

This was not looking promising. This could not possibly be good news. Had I done something wrong? Was I about to be let go? Even worse…was I getting put onto a “project”? Getting put onto a “project” in this business, during this time, was seen as career suicide, not the great “opportunity” it was sold to you as. So we sat.

Finally, the silence was broken as the Merchandise Director entered the room. A very lively character who, also had no idea that this room existed. If she is here, definitely a project I think to myself.

She starts talking and I move from trepidation to shock. My boss Mr 6 foot 3” has been promoted, and apparently so was I. To his role. This role was definitely something I had been working toward, but I did not expect it to happen now, but much further in the future. You know like when someone died of old age, but instead it was happening today. And thankfully no one had died!

This was a fantastic opportunity for me, but also, a very daunting one. The jump from my current role to my new role is a big one. Leading a large team, being part of the leadership team, more exposure throughout the wider organisation I was a part of, and basically absolutely nowhere to hide.

Can I do this? I ask myself through my shock. Well they think you can, and they are a very tough crowd, so of course you can.

A few weeks later, I was walking up the stairs when a Senior Leader within the business called out to me. “I have been looking for you” she says. She had been a wonderful sounding board for me since she joined the business two years prior. I also knew that she had played a significant role in my recent promotion. To which I was most grateful.

“I have spoken to the Merchandise Director (we will leave names out of my story to maintain anonymity)” she says, “and I have told her that I am going to speak to you about being your mentor. So do you want me to be your mentor”?

Was this a question?

Do I have options?

Does this require a yes or no answer?

What does this mean for me? More meetings?

Where would I fit this in?

I am already in meetings literally all day, every day!

I am expected to travel more than 12 weeks a year!

Aren’t I already doing an amazing job? Which is why I got this promotion?

Why do I need a mentor? Can’t I just talk to her when I need to?

As this is all playing out in my head, she tells me that the broader business recognises that the jump I have just made is the biggest jump in positions in all businesses within the broader group, and that she would like to support me in that transition. OH GREAT! I think. If there wasn’t any pressure before, there certainly is now.

So naturally I respond, “Oh thank you. That would be such an honour. I appreciate you thinking of me”. Also, way too scared to say no.

And so our official mentoring relationship begins. Me as the Mentee, and her as the Mentor. I won’t lie, it started off a little difficult and quite confronting for me. My Mentor would attend the same meetings as I, and would give me some “constructive feedback” after many of them.

“Why did you not speak up when…”, “Your body language said…”, “Why didn’t you contribute to…”. I was trying to find my feet, my confidence, and my voice, and here was this person holding me accountable to stand up to my new role! How dare she!! Wasn’t she here to support me? This isn’t support! Little did I know.

The feedback was tough at times. My Mentor is quite a direct person, who was giving feedback to an equally direct person. I had to decide very quickly what to do with this information. Fight it and see it as criticism, or, see it for what it was. Support and guidance to be a better person. I very quickly chose the latter.

With my change of mindset, we then started to talk through the points she raised. Go to the root cause of the behaviour and work out ways to improve these. I also didn’t wait for feedback. I would bring examples of challenges I was facing to our catch ups, to talk through possible scenarios and ways to deal with these.

By changing the way I viewed this relationship enabled me to very quickly move from stumbling to thriving.

This was 12 years ago, and not only is my Mentor still someone I speak to when I need a sounding board, but she has become a dear friend and confidant. I will always be so grateful for that stairway conversation and feel incredibly privileged that she chose me to Mentor. My life changed for the better from that day.

I myself have had the opportunity to act as a Mentor to many during my career and personally, and each relationship has been different. But, one thing truly stands out for me. Taking on the role of a Mentor is not just about giving, as you equally gain and grow from the experience. In more ways than you will know. I am equally as grateful to those I have Mentored, as to those that have Mentored me, due to the life changing experiences these relationships have given me.

Having a Mentor is a privilege, but being a Mentor is also a privilege.

If you have the unique opportunity to take on the role of a Mentee or a Mentor it is indeed a privilege, and one you should not hesitate to jump at. In either role is it a wonderful opportunity to not only give, but gain and grow. Not to mention the opportunity to have an incredibly positive influence on someone else.

If you are interested in the invaluable experience of working with a Mentor to support you toward your future self, please visit www.theretailmentors.com to find out more about our voluntary Mentoring program.